A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize