Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
