Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
