I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
