Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
