you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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