I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
please don't ironically join a cult
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