You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
