hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
