you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
