no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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