Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
a search helicopter?!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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