Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
