I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
