Sry I called you an 8
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
