We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
3 2 1 whiskey
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
