A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
