winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
