Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry about my life...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
