this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
