would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
