no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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