Cold hands, warm shart.
are you still at the devil's house?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
