If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
