just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
