Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
