so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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