Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
