After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Floor bacon is actually really good
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
