whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
