"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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