haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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