What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
