Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
