I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
