So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When did angry sex become our thing?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
