I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
