Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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