I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
