you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Who died my cat blue again?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
