so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize