Four minutes until I can fart!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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