Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just invented taco cereal.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
