btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
