You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
