you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
