Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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