I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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