Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
