my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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