fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
