i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
