grandma shit on top of the toilet
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
