I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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