Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Buhtt sex?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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