The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
