Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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