The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
