Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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