This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
