Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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