My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
