my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
