This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
