I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
