Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
