im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
