a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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