I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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