yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I AM VODKA MAN
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize